You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
