he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
