R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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