Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
