I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found puke in my bra..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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