I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
