You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
