Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
