She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
