It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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