Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
