you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
