And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
