Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
