I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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