Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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