The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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