we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
