There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
