her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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