also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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