last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
