My first STD was from a foam party
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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