thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
