I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
