just come out here and I will go home with you...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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