I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
