ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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