He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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