I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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