dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
