She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
