Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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