So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I looked at my own cervix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea