Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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