dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
