So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
