Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
