i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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