...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
