my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
