she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
