Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
