I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
