you traded sex for a burrito?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
