Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
