Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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