Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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