people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
