mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
