covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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