the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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