I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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