Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I love you.
Bad choice
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
