Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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