I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
