do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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