dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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