I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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