imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
