just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
