I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
