Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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