I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
