Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My bed smells like the plague
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
