i already hear my dad disowning me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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