...so i touched it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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