This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
