I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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